The voices inside my head... Driving me crazy. Can't stand it much longer. I'm gonna have to deflate my head, but how? Thinking in another language than I usually do, so that they can't read me. But I'm losing sleep over this, staying awake at night, trying to project all my powers to give mana to René so he can help me, if the Voices comes after me. One of them hits me. And not just a lille pad in the ass. No, I mean literally beating me up. Both bitchslapping and fists flying all around me, and I'm getting hurt. René is scared of leaving me alone, because neither of us know, what will happen, when he is not here. I feel really tired most of my days, and sleep for many hours during the day, but at night I struggle to stay awake. I don't want Them to step out of my head and materialize for real. Become 2 real size human bodies, just waiting to mess me up. I know René will try and do something to them, but both Dilyah and Ryan are very strong, and I know he can't take down Ryan, but mainly because Ryan has access to weapons. René doesn't. Dilyah is the one ordering all this, she is the real problem. I know I can keep her under control, but it means that I have to spend all my days cleaning, doing dishes and taking care of my family, and some of the things I have to do times 3. Like for an example the dishes: She wants me to take everything out of my kitchen cabinets and wash all of it 3 times. But I can't cheat, so the dishwasher or tapwater isn't good enough. I have to boil water, fill it in my kitchen sink, and wait for it to cool down, just enough so that I can barely stick my fingers in it - and no rubbergloves allowed. While it cools down, I must clean the cabinets, the refrigiator, the stove - everything. And I can't live up to that - not at the moment, at least. So I have to ignore her, and that's why she recruited Ryan to "take care of business".
I will try to sleep tonight, though. I am exhausted. Furter more, I have consumed 800g of melon and 2 litres of fruitjuice - one orange, one apple. I have really, really severe stomach ache, and I have been to the bathroom with like emergency hurry, but managed to "hold it in" all 3 times. This last time, I ripped up a wound I have on one of my buttcheeks, and i hurt so bad. I had to pull my pants down in front of René and turn my ass in the air, so he could wipe the blood away and put some Pantothenol Salve on it. It started as one of those "friction"-wounds, and it just got worse and worse. We've tried putting a patch on it, but the skin down there is NOT patch-friendly. René had to soak the patch in water to get it of! Otherwise it was just too painful. Damned, my stomach hates me! I can just feel it boiling!
The time is 02.18, and we are off to bed anyways, just in a minute. I should take my evening-medicine, but I do NOT feel like putting anything down in my stomach at all. Not even pills and Coop Cola Light. Acctually, I should probably visit the bathroom instead.
Sleep tight, ya'll. Or goodmorning. Or afternoon. Which ever fits you :)
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